With Christmas fast approaching Just Football has been doing some digging and we’ve managed to exclusively uncover Christmas letters to Santa from a string of Premier League managers. First up, chocolates and coffee for struggling Newcastle boss Steve McClaren…
Dear Santa,
I’m not sure what I did to upset you last year but it didn’t work out at Derby County. Anyway, I’m here at Newcastle now and I think I’ve been very good. Maybe performances on the pitch haven’t been great but I didn’t take nice John Carver’s job when they offered it to me in April, did I?!
It’s been a hard few weeks for me. I can’t sleep. There are rumours about my position.
I keep hearing voices in my head; they sound like Brendan Rodgers whispering “Moussa Sissoko is a wonderful technician, okay” and when I close my eyes I see David Moyes staring back at me like a gargoyle on a castle wall. Imagine the Easter Bunny and Cupid were eyeing up the North Pole hot seat, how would you like it?
Anyway I digress. For Christmas this year I would like:
A big tin of Miniature Heroes
We’ve all been arguing recently and it hasn’t helped us on the pitch. I called Fabricio Coloccini a “pound shop Puyol” and he didn’t take it very well. Georginio Wijnaldum has just taken his captain’s armband to “try it on” which didn’t help matters. Usually Jack Colback and Steven Taylor have my back but they’re crocked.
Aleksandar Mitrovic wedgied Ayoze Perez and hung him on a nearby tree too. This happens most days but I really think it needs to stop. So the chocolates will be used as a peace offering – we can all sit down and sort this out.
Please don’t send me Celebrations because nobody likes Bounty.
Clik here to view.
“Who ate the last caramel? Get over here Mbemba!”
A new spine
It may be a big ask but this can be my main present. I need the backbone of a new team if I’m to get out of trouble. The current one doesn’t seem to be working so if I can have a new centre back, maybe somebody like Jannik Vestergaard, I think he’d make a difference. Andros Townsend would be nice too; Tottenham never use him and my wingers aren’t exactly doing their job!
Upfront if you could get me Charlie Austin I’d be really grateful. I went a bit Football Hipster in the summer and bought Mitrovic instead but that’s not really working out at the moment either. It shouldn’t cost more than £50m but I think I’m more likely to get that from you as opposed to Mike Ashley.
An FC Twente Coffee Mug
I do have one of those Sports Direct mugs in my office but when I make a coffee in that I get too hyped up! A normal sized FC Twente mug would be nice.
As an added bonus, when people ask about it I can say “What, this? Oh it’s from FC Twente where I won them their first Eredivisie title in 2010 and won Dutch Manager of the season.” It may come in handy if I’m down the Job Centre soon.
Also a little request: If you could sort the local kids out with a football so they stop waving umbrellas at me that would be great too.
All the best Santa.
Your pal,
Steve McClaren
What else does Steve McClaren need for Christmas in your opinion? Let us know below or on Twitter @JustFootball.
SEE ALSO: Why Steve McClaren is in trouble on Tyneside
(main image credit: Robbie Jay Barratt via Flickr)
The post Letters to Santa, part I: Steve McClaren’s Newcastle Christmas wish list appeared first on Just Football.